A Small Book About A BIG Problem Meditations On Anger, Patience, and Peace Edward T. Welch
This book is a 50 day walk through, looking at anger, patience, and peace. Welch looks at anger from a Biblical perspective and what the solution is. Although anger in and of itself is not sin, anger can quickly lead even the most patient person to sin. Anger can lead to sin, not just in our behavior, but most importantly, in our hearts. Welch uses the Bible to explore anger, patience, and peace.
Day 1 A slow fifty-day walk
- To be human is to get angry
- Anger can manifest in actions and attitude
- To be angry is to destroy
- We have all experienced destruction by someone’s anger; We have also caused destruction by our own anger
- Why fifty days?
- It is hard to keep important matters in mind
- Scripture declares that reflection and meditation are essential to a wise and flourishing life (Proverbs 1:33, 7:1-4; 4:13, 20 & 21; James 1:22-25).
- Read only one a day; answer the questions; spend time thinking about what you are reading; discuss with a friend or family member because this issue is relevant for everyone.
Day 2 Have your reasons
- It takes work to control anger and pursue peace
- Each one of us need our own reasons why we need to tame our anger
- Some reasons from other people
- “I heard anger just about every day of my life, and I don’t want to pass it on to my children.”
- “A friend told me that I am angry. I don’t see it, but I respect my friend and want to take the comment seriously.”
- My angry words have gotten me into trouble.”
- “There are things that happened to me years ago that still make me angry.”
- Scripture affirms these and goes deeper
- Proverbs 14:29; 15:18; 16:32; 19:11
- There are two paths we can take, wisdom and folly
- Wisdom – life, honor, good relationships, good reputation, coveted insight
- Folly – comes naturally, akin to death, separates and causes misery
- We have to work at wisdom. Are you interested?
Day 3 What is anger?
- Think about the last few times you were angry.
- What are the elements of most of your anger?
- Do you think your anger is your legitimate response to stupid people?
- If so, you are destined to become even angrier; our lives are full of people who make our lives inconvenient
- Anger is about making judgements
- Anger says you wronged me; think of a judge who defers judgment to another judge when the case involved is personal; anger says I am judge, plaintiff, and prosecuting attorney
- Anger acquits itself
- Anger does not seek its own bias and help; anger declares, with great confidence, “I am right.”; in this attitude relationships are harmed and maybe even destroyed
- We might be right concerning what has made us angry, but we often are not humble
- Perhaps we were right, but we did not love (Mat. 7:1&2)
- Anger specializes in indicting others but is unskilled at both self-indictment and love
- How do you define anger
Day 4 Judging the Judge
- We all make necessary judgments every day
- We should speak out against wrong, even when we are wronged
- Those judgments must be made with diligent self-examination first
- Matthew 7: 1-2; we must use the same criteria in judging ourselves as we use to judge others
- We manipulate facts to vindicate ourselves and condemn others
- We see others offenses in high definition, and we see our own offenses through filters
- Matthew 7: 3-5; Jesus tells us to judge ourselves more rigorously than we do others
- Imagine submitting to judgment before we judge
- Speaking with respect, for the good of others, relationships, inviting responses
- Speaking with humility and not pride, speaking to build up others, speaking with gentleness
- Striving to be able to help our bother with the delicate task of taking a speck out of his eye
- Can you imagine that!?
Day 5 Murderer
- It is difficult to judge ourselves accurately.
- This is a natural tendency
- Matthew 5:21&22; Jesus links anger with murder
- Have you ever murdered someone?
- May be not physically, but have you ever been angry?
- Jesus links both anger and murder as a condition of our hearts
- Jesus equates simple name calling with murder
- Why does Jesus say this?
- Anger destroys
- Jesus offers life, to which we cannot turn to until me acknowledge the murderer within
- Identify yourself with this – murderer
Day 6 The Many Faces of Anger
- Having the tendency to minimize our anger wisdom suggests that we seek anger out
- Examine what we say, and how we say what we say
- Cover anger: sarcasm, ‘just kidding’, complaining, gossip, defending, frustrated, entitled
- Cold anger: silent treatment, withdrawal, indifference, controlling, ‘stupid’ criticizing
- Hot anger: jealousy, wrath, murder, explosions, envy, violence, oppression
- The more hard-hitting we are in examining ourselves in identifying our angry words and listen to what we say the better success we may gain in controlling our anger
- Sarcasm: ‘You are stupid.’ Then adds, ‘Just kidding.’ As you enjoy your self-righteous vantage point
- Complaining: the common refrain of all anger, ‘I WANT!’ and I’m not getting what I want
- Gossip: publicizing our own verdict and then trying to convince others to pronounce the same verdict
- Withdrawal and silence: nasty, forms of punishment, wanting those who have harmed us to beg for forgiveness and make amends
- Indifference: possibly the worst form of anger, we simply no longer care for the person who has offended us; we have exiled them so the bothers us no longer
- Envy: desires what others have, leading to broken relationships
- Jealousy: ‘I deserve what you have, and you do not deserve what you have.’, taking envy one step further
- Anger in our hearts leads to hate in our thoughts, and eventually comes out of our mouths. Anger cannot be contained and always hurts those around us. Even when we use innocent-sounding words, like, ‘I’m just being honest,’ anger can do damage.
- What are your innocent-sounding words and what are they really saying?
Day 7 Run Toward Wisdom
- As we look at anger, we must also look at its opposite, wisdom.
- Wisdom is anger’s opposite and has much to offer
- Patience, peace, self-control, humility, as well as other goals
- The core of wisdom is a forsaking of pride and the putting on of humility
- Listen, proverbs 2:1-5, listen to God and to other people
- Anger looks down upon and judges; humility looks up and beyond ourselves and asks about others
- Anger destroys; humility has others best interests in mind, building up
- Humility is not your enemy; it does not destine you for mistreatment
- Humility does not necessarily have to be silent, and just turn the other cheek
- Humility is not passivity
- Humility can rebuke, overlook offenses, and invite or get help
- Humility is the foundation for all wisdom.
- Servant – servant of Jesus, the Christ
- When we see ourselves in Jesus, our model for manhood, as his servants, that knowledge has a huge impact on our anger
- We take less offense when people offend us, thinking, ‘How can I represent my master?’ (John 13:13-14)
- Being in Christ, and Jesus having served us, how can we be angry with others
- Anger is a forgetful nature – it acts as if you are alone
- No one is going to care for you like you do, so just do it alone
- How could you not get angry when things do not go as you plan
- Wisdom remembers God is with us
- He has served and does serve us
- He is the righteous judge
- This wisdom turns into love, the opposite of anger
- Anger – disdain, hatred, contempt
- Love – patience, gentleness, joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness (Galatians 5:22)
- Take the low road today, serving in love
8 Anger And Our Desires
- The other person made us angry
- We have an interaction with someone who says or does something
- We were not angry before, therefore this person made us angry
- The logic is airtight, right? Not so fast, a delusion is taking shape with this thinking
- Angry is already in us
- It is not something that comes upon us unexpectedly
- Angry, in its embryonic form is what we call desire
- We desire – power, pleasure, peace, comfort, love, respect, this list could go on and on
- When we desire something and don’t get what we want, anger is already in us
- It just takes the right circumstances to bring it out James 4:1
- James speaks of passions and selfish desires that are at war
- Selfish desires that serve you, no one else, not even God
- The hardest thing to learn about angry is that it comes from within us
- You are the problem
- There are good desires, such as love
- There is great difference between desiring love and needing love
- Demanding that we be loved, thinking that we deserve love
- Quarrels and fights are sure to follow when we begin to demand things
- Do you desire respect?
- Do people have to earn your respect?
- Do you need it, do you demand respect?
- Has desire become selfish?
- Has love waned; do anger and despair take turns being in charge of your emotions?
- What desire has become selfish, a need, or a demand for you?
Day 9 Keep At It
- Anger is impatient
- It is too important to not think, or just forget, about an episode of anger and simply move on
- We will follow either one of two directional courses in our lives
- Either toward wisdom or toward foolishness
- The course of foolishness is easy, just follow your desires
- Anger is on this path, with short-term perks; we feel as if we have power and control
- Those feelings are just a mirage
- The end will be miserable, overpowered by anger; leaving relationships in tatters
- Wisdom is a hard but good course to follow
- This path can be both pleasant and satisfying
- Wisdom is the art of understanding the best life
- The very core of this best life is love
- Love even when it is inconvenient or even costly Proverb 3:3&4
- Wisdom is developed when a new course of action is stubbornly endured
- This might seem awkward at first, bur persist until wisdom becomes natural
- We examine, reflect, and consider
- Why bother thinking about your anger? How would you answer now?
- ‘I don’t want to hurt anyone else.’
- “I want to have better relationships.’
- ‘I want to listen to God.’
- Among dozens of possible answers, have one for yourself
- Anger is a resilient foe; you will need a reason to stay focused
- Be not quick in your spirit to be angry, for anger lodges in the hearts of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9
- Anger lodges in us. It can be moved, but not in a day
- Are you willing to make this a long-term assignment?